


Into Words

by Cassisgummi



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Feelings, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst, M/M, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-17
Updated: 2017-09-17
Packaged: 2018-12-31 00:42:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12120828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cassisgummi/pseuds/Cassisgummi
Summary: Is it possible to put how Otabek feels into words?





	Into Words

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!
> 
> This is my first work for this fandom! I usually write for the Gundam fandom! I remembered how much I like Otabek when I rewatched YOI (lol) and had to write something.  
> It is also a semi practice piece on first person as I hardly do that!

As I got off the airplane, past customs and into arrivals, the man who had been sitting next to me throughout the flight joyfully ran into the arms of a woman who was waiting for him there.

“Darling!”

They embraced and kissed. _They looked so happy._ So happy as they held eachother close, the love reflected on eachother’s eyes, the excitement of being together, the feeling of finally being reunited and feeling whole.

It wasn’t to say I wasn’t excited about being here. I was. But in equal measure to the joy of being here, in the country where I could be with _him_ , was the concealed dull ache of unspoken desire. Some might say that I, Otabek Altin, a 21year old hero of my home country and an adult shouldn’t be having these sorts of issues but it wasn’t... that simple.

I reached the end of the walkway when I saw him, his hood up, pale gold strands of hair spilling out of the sides, a stark contrast to the black fabric. I guess it was some kind of attempt at making himself not stand out though his leopard print jeans and vivid tiger embroidery on the black sukajan he was wearing ontop of said hoodie could arguably be said that he now stood out more than anyone else there. I can pretty confidently say that I’ve never seen anyone who actually suits the well, garish garments Yuri seems to favor as much as he does.

He had gotten a bit taller than last time I saw him- it was maybe 6 months ago? These few years since I “befriended” him flew and felt like eternity at the same time. We had both been busy with our professional lives though we tried to meet as much as possible in times like now when it was off season for us.

He was glancing around nervously before he caught sight of me and his eyes lit up. I could see the sparkle in those aquamarine orbs and it was enough for my heart to jolt when our eyes met.

“Otabek!!”

As I walked over to him he gave me a hug in greeting, which I returned somewhat awkwardly. Even though he always does this, I guess I’m not that used to hugging people. Or maybe it’s because it’s him.

“Yuri.”

“It’s been a while man!!”

Yuri was the sort of person who’s emotions flowed out of him effortlessly. It was, in my opinion an attractive part about him and I always liked seeing his different expressions. Even though we were alike in some ways, this was something I always had trouble doing, expressing to others how I feel so I admired that. Currently happiness was radiating from him like a warm summer day as he excitable chatted about what happened in his everyday life recently as we walked through the airport. It was snowing outside, St. Petersburg was pretty cold in February. Thankfully as I used to live here for a while when I was younger, I had come prepared.

As we walked through the terminal, I noticed an increasing number of girls glancing our way.

“Isn’t that Yuri Plisetsky?”

“Seriously?”

As usual, no one seemed to notice me but that was not a problem at all. I would never wish for the level of attention Yuri gets in public, ever. Thankfully even in Kazakhstan I don’t get chased around by girls like he does on a pretty regular basis. Maybe because of it being a constant thing, or maybe because he was talking Yuri didn’t seem to notice the growing attention on him, however and was still chatting away happily.

“That IS him! And isn’t that Otabek Altin with him? Omg they are such good friends it’s so cute!!”  
“Let’s go and ask for a photo!”  
“Hey, I was going to ask him first!”  
“And who are you? Yuri is mine!”  
“No! I have been here longer than any of you!!”  
  
I could hear the commotion behind us was getting more and more disruptive, though by some miracle Yuri had not seemed to notice yet. It was actually kind of cute how much he could get wrapped up in things. I could hear the the sound of phone camera shutters clicking away faintly from our growing “adoring fans”.

“And you never guess what Mila, that hag said to me about-” Yuri had stopped to give an exaggerated sigh as he turned to look at me.

“Ah! He stopped! Let’s get him!”

The girls behind us squealed and at that same moment I grabbed his wrist, wrapping my fingers around that slender wrist. His skin felt pleasantly cool against my warm hands.

“Let’s run, Yuri.”

“H-huh Wh-?”

I glanced at his shocked face for a moment (Probably my 3rd most favourite face Yuri pulls.) before I started to run, pulling him along with me with one hand while dragging my small carry on suitcase with the other, weaving between crowds of people infront of us.

“Otabek..?”

I didn’t reply as I navigated pretty well (for the fact I’ve only visited this airport a handful of times) through the terminal towards the North exit. As far as I remember it was a smaller exit most people wouldn’t think of looking at first so I assumed it would buy us some time.

_Sorry girls, I want as much time with him to myself as possible._

I felt a bit bad as I guessed we could have humoured them for a few moments till it (inevitably) got totally out of hand, but I felt like it was a small act of selfishness that I should allow myself once every now and then.

The icy air hit us as we ran out of the automatic doors, into the snowy taxi rank. We came to a stop and looking around there were only a few taxis and hardly anyone around.

“I got recognised, didn’t I?”

Yuri asked between pants, pushing some stray hair from his face as he looked around. I slowly released his wrist, wondering if I had lingered a bit longer than what would have been natural.

“Yeah.”

“Mannn I thought I was all clear this time!” Yuri sighed as he gave me a small smile. “Thanks, I didn’t even notice they were behind us.”

I shook my head as I adjusted my scarf and stuffed my hands in my coat pockets. Well, Yuri wanted us to be undisturbed too, I tried to reason with myself now as I watched him pull out his phone and a pair of leather gloves, putting them on before typing away on the screen of the smartphone.

“We should go grab some food before we go back mine.”

He seemed to have it all planned out and I was happy to just go along with whatever he wanted. Yuri was living by himself in a flat in the center of the city for a year now and it’s where I stayed when I visited.

“How abut food here? That okay?”

Yuri asked showing me some restaurant on his screen. It was more out of politeness than anything I guess as I never said no to where ever he wanted to go.

“Yeah.”

We got onto a taxi and soon were in a restaurant, a small, pretty quiet one down one of the side streets in the center of town. The food arrived and we ate, Yuri filling me in on his life the past 6 months since we last met. We talked a lot on the internet, everyday but he still had more things to tell me, while I simply nodded, finding myself studying the way the candlelight from the one on our table made Yuri’s eyes shift from blue to green.

“How’s your Djing going? I saw you did a set last week!”

“Yeah, it’s going pretty well for a hobby, I guess.”

“I can’t believe I’ve still not gone to one even though I’m legal to go clubbing now!”

I laughed a little as I put my fork down- it brought back memories of him insisting he wanted to go to the club I was doing a set at when he was 16.

“Maybe, one day.”

“Hey what do you mean? I’m gonna go clubing with you!! Definitely, during the time you are here this time!!”  
He looked at me with a determined look. The look he had when he decided something, when he had his eyes set on something. (My 2nd most favourite face Yuri pulls.) I casually shrugged in reply.

“Maybe.”

“Tomorrow!! We chill today at mine and we go out tomorrow!!”

To be honest I didn’t know if I wanted to take Yuri to a club. He probably would be recognised for one, and well... I didn’t know if I wanted to put him in an environment where he could be approached by other guys or girls. I tried to tell myself it was for his safety but really...

_I just want you to myself._

I knew it was wrong, and I had no right. As a friend, as his best friend, I shouldn’t be feeling this way but the urge to monopolise him was growing stronger as time went by.

“Otabek?”

“H-huh?”

Yuri’s voice brought me back from my thoughts and I looked up, our eyes meeting.

“Were you listening?”

“Yeah... maybe. If you really want.”

“Yeah ofcourse I do!”

Yuri grinned at me as he put down his fork, he seemed to be done. I had finished my meal a while ago, actually.

  
We arrived at Yuri’s flat a short while later, Potya coming to stare at me for a moment before walking off as if disappointed I wasn’t something more interesting.

“Make yourself comfortable!” Yuri said pointing to the sofa while he took off his jacket, tossing it somewhat into his bedroom through the partly ajar door.

I obliged, taking my coat and scarf off, my suitcase leaning against a wall nearby before sitting down on the sofa infront of the TV, Yuri joining me a few moments later. He casually lent his back against my arm, his legs resting on the arm of the sofa as he fiddled with his phone.

“Wh- That idiot pig showing off again!!!” Yuri spluttered a few moments later. I assumed he was talking about Yuuri Katsuki, Yuri seemed to have a special amount of venom reserved just for the Japanese skater.

“Look at this Otabek!” Yuri lent back arching his back, putting his head almost on my lap as he thrust his phone screen into my face. It was an Instagram post from Yuuri’s account, it showed a happy looking Katsuki and Victor Nikiforov in eachothers arms, it seemed they had gone on holiday somewhere.

“They are such an idiot couple, aren’t they? It’s so gross!!! Posting that where everyone can see!! Like, noone fucking cares how much in love you two are!?!”

Yuri pulled a face. I couldn’t help but laugh a little at that. Yuri gave me a glare as he flopped down on my lap, his head hitting my legs with a thud.

“H-hey!! Don’t laugh at me!!”  
“Sorry...” I said with a grin.  
“What’s so funny huh?”  
“Well... It just sounded like you are jealous of them, that’s all.”

“Wh-HEY! Otabek you are meant to be on my side here!!” Yuri protested, thrashing his legs against the sofa arm, shaking us both to show his displeasure. I smiled back as I studied his disgruntled face, thinking making Yuri pull this kind of face every now and then wasn’t too bad either. Definitely in one of my top 5 favourite faces Yuri pulls. Our eyes met, and Yuri stared at me for a few moments before he turned his head sharply away, facing away from me.

“I’m not...salty or anything...” He muttered, though it seemed mainly to himself.

It wasn’t like I didn’t understand what Yuri meant. I, too felt a little envious of those two’s relationship. It was some high profile romance straight out of a film or novel. That sort of thing didn’t happen in real life, atleast to people like me. And seeing them was a stark reminder that things only happened easily to the lucky few while the rest had to work harder than anyone else, and even then they may not gain anything in the end.

But it wasn’t like I didn’t understand the couple’s desire to show the world their love either, maybe if... _if_ Yuri was mine, I may not be able to resist showing the world how happy I was.

“B-but I mean...it’s not like I know much about relationships and stuff like that...” Yuri mumbled after a few moments silence. “Though I guess it wouldn’t be bad to have someone... you know...” he shifted his head round to look up at me again. Something in my chest stirred at those words and it felt so uncomfortable. “What about you though? I swear a cool guy like you should get a girlfriend easily right? Why are you still single? Don’t you want one?”

“Not really thought about it much...”

I replied, a really badly constructed lie.

“Really?? You haven’t met anyone you like at all?”  
  
Yuri’s eyes were wide with genuine surprise.

“....”

_I want you, Yuri._  
I want you to be mine.  
I don’t want to give you up to anyone else.  
I want you all to myself.

It was all the words I wanted to say but my lips failed to form any of them. I was unconsciously chewing on my bottom lip and now Yuri was giving me a slightly strange look.

“We... should go to sleep.” I uttered, realizing I had made it a really awkward situation.  
“O-oh yeah okay, you can take my bed.” Yuri replied, sounding a bit awkward too, almost flustered as he pulled himself up off my lap. Great. Now he probably thinks I’m weird.  
I shook my head. “It’s fine, I can sleep here.”  
“No!! You’re the guest you get the bed!!”

We had this argument last time I visited too. And the time before that. Usually it ends up with Yuri saying we should share the bed, and while that idea isn’t a bad one as he has a double bed, there is the issue that I can’t fall asleep next to him so I end up having a sleepless night and this time I didn’t want that.  
  
“No.” I replied firmly, giving him a look. He sighed, knowing me well enough now to know when it wasn’t negotiable.  
“Fine...” Yuri said in a defeated tone, but instead of standing up he rearranged himself next to me, leaning back on the sofa as he grabbed the remote control. “I’ll stay up a bit longer then, we can watch TV.”

I let him do as he pleased, and we ended up watching some pointless late night variety show. I had semi spaced out and was brought back to the present when Yuri’s head gently bumped against my shoulder. I turned to see him fast asleep, his body lent quite heavily against mine.

Being this close I could smell Yuri’s soft, warm scent and the warmth of his body against mine. I admired those long lashes that normally framed and softened his intense eyes, though now his features were more peaceful and unguarded in his sleep. I gently brushed some golden strands of hair that fell into his face, gently tucking it behind his ear. My fingers brushed against his cheek and I couldn’t resist running a finger down his jawline softly. His skin felt pleasantly smooth. The feelings towards him were welling up in my chest and it felt like they were going to burst and spill out at any moment, consuming me. Yuri stirred, only to snuggle up closer to me in his sleep.

I could tell him how I felt. How I had always felt. The fact he had mesmerized me from the moment we met all those years ago and never had I been able to break away from his spell. The fact that these feelings were getting stronger and would probably eat me up one day. But it would mean possibly losing what I had now. Losing the right to be beside him as the one person he trusted. Even though I knew I was being the worst kind of human I couldn’t do the right thing. I was...scared. And I hated myself for being so weak. Hated myself for being so pathetic. 

_I love you._

I lent down, pressing a kiss on his forehead. I felt guilty doing it without his permission, but I couldn't help myself.

If only I could put all this into words.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you thought! I actually have a Yuri POV and a final in mind for this but...we will see how it goes!


End file.
